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J. M!LL$'s Journal [entries|friends|calendar]
J. M!LL$

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[March 23, 2008]
[ mood | uncomfortable ]

ahh, i've let myself go so much.
i've gained a lot of weight, been careless about what i eat (i.e. burger king a lot but the veggie burgers are soo goood), been really snippy because i'm insecure about myself, and not doing so hot in school. so, tonight, easter sunday march 23rd (i think?), i make a vow to myself. it consists of
1. stop feeling shitty about everything
2. keeping positive and staying on track most of the time
3. set goals and achieve them instead of forgetting about them
4. stop eating so much when i'm bored/stressed
5. quit smoking
6. quit smoking trees
7. stop over-eating in general
8. etc.

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[January 20, 2008]
[ mood | busy ]

a life update... for those of you who still use livejournal
these past few months have been horrendous. like, the worst i've felt since 5th grade. no reason, just a combination of stress and being upset over things beyond my control. it happens.
i decided i've fucked up too much in my high school career to apply to colleges, so i'm going to save my money and go to mass bay community college for 2 years right after i graduate. then transfer to mass college of liberal arts out in the berkshires.
i want to go on a roadtrip, no where far. maybe somewhere in vermont, or provincetown.
i've learned i'm mentally incapable of saving my paychecks for more than 48 hours. between all the clothes, jewelry, nails did, handbags and all other materialistic shit. i still put gas in my tank though.
i live in my car on the weekends.
still work at marshalls. i don't care as long i keep making 200$ a week.
getting a d+ in english honors.. saaaad
getting an a in both chemistry and math! okay!
i eat way too much pad thai at Morn's. i go there at least 4 times a week and get the same thing.

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update of sorts [August 17, 2007]
i've been thinking about death a lot lately.
starting now i'll be grateful, always, for everyday that i'm alive.. i guess you just gotta teach yourself to appreciate what you got, love the ones you have, and live the life you want.
cause you might not have that privilege tomorrow.

48 hours. i'm packing my shit and going on a plane ride. alone, to the other side of america. i wont be sleeping well these next two nights thinking about it.

this is what my hair is like right now.

going dark in arizona because i miss black hair like crazy, hopefully i can find a decent hairdresser there.
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[August 13, 2007]
i think that, instead of stopping my ear stretching experience at 3/4, i'm going to keep taping until i get to one inch.
oh yes.
sounds most excellent.
i love picking out plugs for future sizes
im getting my hair done when i go to arizona, maybe get my bangs fixed as they are royally fucked right now. im going dark again. strawberry blonde is wayy too much of a hassle for me to handle. you have to choose wisely what color shirts and makeup to wear, otherwise they clash and you end up looking like a clown. as i have experienced this past week.
so im going to go a deeeep dark chocolatey brown, almost black. i think that would be pretty.. i hope.
im more focused on getting my bangs fixed though, LOL theyre so fucked.
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[August 12, 2007]
i got the new marilyn manson cd.
it is fucking fantastic
and i got that 66 dollar jacket
and i got a new shirt
so im content for right now
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[August 10, 2007]
so im going to arizona next week... im supposed to be saving my money.. buuuut
theres this jacket i want, its 66 dollars, id probably wear it every day during the fall so it'd be worth it
if i get it now, i'd have like.. 240-ish to spend in arizona
and i know this jacket is going to sell out on this website because its a best seller and they've already run out of a size small
should i get it, or keep the money for arizona?!?! GAHHH THE JACKET IS SO PERFECT THOUGH IN EVERY WAY.
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fuk ur lj cutz nigga [August 08, 2007]
oh my god. i miss my beauteous black hair so much.
i went to my hair dresser so she could make me blonde, but she decided instead of going all blonde it'd be better to do high lights first.
LOOKED LIKE SHIT ON ME. and i couldn't wait another month to get that shit fixed, soo
i decided to apply bleach the next day (today) all over to get rid of the highlights and make the brown i already had, lighter.
now my hair is completely fucked up. i mean, it's not damaged at ALL suprisingly. it's just the color is obnoxious. its kinda funny actually, it's blonde half way down, and then it turns bright orange because all the color that's been deposited in it. i look like bozo the clown. honestly, tho, it's not that bad.. i've had much worse..

oh yea, and my hairdresser cut my bangs wayyyy. way. way too short, so i have to pin them back to avoid any further humilation, OH GOD LIFE WHY DO YOU SUCK SO BAD I THOUGHT YOU WERE COOL FOR A WHILE, COMMITIGN SUICIDE ASAP. and on top of all this, I HAVE A FUCKING STY. IT HURTS AND I CAN'T BLINK WITHOUT BEING IN IMMENSE BLOOD-CURDLING PAIN.

i'm going back to black, asap. or blakish reddish brown. idk yet. i'll stick it out with this horrid hair for a week then dye it. sounds like a plan.
in all honestly though, im on the verge of a nervous breakdown right about now.


i need something so good to happen right now. just something to make me feel happy again. nothing good ever happens when i need it. shit.
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[August 05, 2007]
instead of sitting around being bored all of the time, im going to like, explore n shit.
im going to start going to a lot of shows like i used to. in the boston area. except im gonna be going to them allll by myself.
and not the shitty ~local band~ shows either!
but mainly, i just want to meet new peeps. im so bored with framingham/natick/greater boston area right now. there's nothing to do. so! instead of bitching about it, im gonna go to shows and concerts and whatnot, by myself, and talk to people!
i need to get my car first. which should happen in november/december. but still!
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[August 03, 2007]
the most romantic thing ever just happened today. IT WAS SO CUTE
i went to the bakery part of whole foods and i asked the guy working there if they had any individual slices of this vegan chocolate cake i really like. he said no. i was like ok cool and continued on my way.
fifteen minutes later im wandering around in like, the cereal aisle i think. and i hear "HEY, i made this vegan cupcake 4 u". and i was like awwwwww and he handed it to me. and that was that. but it was cute, because it means he actually made an effort to bake this cupcake, find me in the store and give it to me.
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[August 02, 2007]
i think im going to ask for a video camera for christmas
i can only imagine how much pointless fun i would have with it :D
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[July 29, 2007]
i saw my 6th grade teacher at stop and shop last night. she works there. and she rang up my stuff. AWK FESTTTTTTTTT
i was reading a book while she was bagging my shit, and somehow she recognized me and was like "julie's always had her head in a book!" and i was like what?!? and it was her.
idk. it was weird. she's a single mom. she got laid off from cameron middle school because she was a shitty teacher. she works at stop and shop. she's just.. pathetic. its sad.
anyway, i made vegan baked goods last night. they're a mix between brownies and cupcakes, and they have vegan oreo-like cookies in them. THEYRE SO GOOOOD
i wish i took a pictureee
does anybody read these anymore?!?!
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[July 25, 2007]
this is the second time this week that a creepy black guy has asked me for my number at work
but it comforts me to know that black guys think im a qt
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god im so bored [July 23, 2007]
[ mood | indifferent ]

i'm down to just about a 34b now?!?!?!?!
2005, i was a 34d. lost 20 pounds, went to a 36c. lost 10 more pounds, went to a 34c.
NOW, i've lost 10 pounds over the past 3 weeks and i can fit into a 34b
i dont know if i should be happy or miss my big bewbz
im so bored i dont even know why im talking about this

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[July 21, 2007]
so i went to take my dog for a walk right?
my neighbors, tim&weatherly (who we have a huge feud with), were having a pool party, a soccer mom pool party. bunches of 7 year olds and their faggoty moms and dads.
right as i was walking past their house & back to mine, a bunch of the HARDCORE SOCCER PARTIERS, including tim, were all out on tim's driveway with one of the dad's motorcycles.
they kept revving it up really fucking loud and yelling "SO YOU DON'T LIKE YOUR NEIGHBORS (aka us), HUH?" to tim. little did the guy know, -I- was one of the neighbors he was referring to. unlucky time to yell that shit, right? so, since i can think of insults at the drop of a hat(my only real talent), i yelled some really nasty stuff at the guy. i feel bad, because some of the little kids were out there. at the same time, any kid who attends one of their pool parties deserves to be corrupted in any way possible
anyway, so i screamed at them. calling them faggots, soccer sluts and pieces of shit. i feel so much better now, i hate my neighbors with a passion
next time they have one of them pool parties dey got dere, im blasting some serious raunchy shit from my backyard.
any ideas??
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[July 17, 2007]
just to let you know, if you order from karmaloop.com and enter the code JR15320 at checkout, you get 20% off your first purchase. then you get 10% off every other purchase you make FOREVER as long as you use that rep code.
im on their street team btw.
also it gets me free shit if you use that code :D
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[July 16, 2007]
rule #1 of life: don't get a fucking iphone
my mom got one today, it was all fine, until we tried to put some songs on that fucker.
shit froze up, froze up my computer, and everything went downhill from there.
i called the apple support guys because my mom asked me to and i was on the phone with them for an hour and i had to fucking piss like a racehorse the whole time i was on the phone.
i was on the phone with the guy for an hour, and no go. the iphone isn't "syncing" with my itunes, and it's fucked up.
he told me to try and restore it, i did but it failed half way through the fucking process.
so now we have a dead $600 iphone, an appointment with the support guys at the apple store on wednesday, and a very angry mom.
and she's angry at me! i didnt do anything! you told me to call them, i did what they told us to do, and WHAT DO I GETTT! you screaminggg at meeee

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will it blend?! [July 15, 2007]

spoiler:it blended

today i bought one of these guys

and this watch (finally)

im tho excitedd
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can i have a taste of your ice cream? [July 12, 2007]
i have an interview at hot topic on monday.
SO LAME. but i don't care, fuck, as long as it's not a shoe department in marshalls then im all good.
and im assuming that its the only place that would be accepting of my lip piercing, you know.
i feel so lame. i hate hot topic. hate. hate hate hate.
but i hate marshalls even moar!
off subject, but i feel really bad for tom green. if anybody watches his live web show on mondays, then you'd understand. he's probably the most miserable temperamental saps i've ever seen. and it's all because of 4chan.org since they prank call him 100 times per show. it's funny though.. sadly
i've lost 4 pounds btw :) do a lot of cardio!

edit: http://www.karmaloop.com/products.asp?ProductID=17627&VendorCode=NIX THIS IS THE WATCH OF MY DREAMS. its perfect in every way. and it's 250 dollars and i dont feel like spending that much wahhhhhhhhhh
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mosh? [July 04, 2007]


i need to lose so much fucken weight, it's ridiculous. yea, i may LOOK decent with CLOTHES ON, but look at me with no clothes on, ok. it's a whole different story. whooooleee different story. i used to be fat, so i have all this excess skin just chillin there from where i lost all the weight. and it sucks, and its gross, and not to mention humiliating. i cant keep up with any sort of dieitng bc i end up gaining more weight anyways. am too lazy for exercising thereofre bulimia is the only answer
basically this entry is an EPIC FAIL, along with MY LIFE
about the life part
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i be placin snitches in lakes and ditches, and if i get aids ima start rapin bitches [June 30, 2007]
boston today was soo great. i got everything i wanted, even with the limited money i had and managed to get my mum 2 ankle bracelets from newbury st. as a wee gift aswell. :D
my vert. labret is healing, but it gets irritated and red really easily. i'm really hoping that this one heals good, because i enjoy having it and all. i just want smaller balls (he he) for it, and maybe downsize to a 16g. my life would be compleeette.
my mom had to take out her nostril piercing that she got done last week. :/ she's really sad over it. i'm sad for her! the gem part was recessing into the skin and was creating a crater, that's why. BUT, she bought this wicked cool coffee maker and it's AMAZING! you don't have to make a pot of coffee the night before or anything, you just make coffee whenever you like because it makes it in 60 seconds! it's sooooo coooool!!
becky's family's cookout tomorrow in natick, i'm excited :)
and i think im going to dye my hair deep auburn.. yesssss.. excellent... *RUBS HANDS TOGETHER* mmm creepy
i get to work DAY HOURS allll this week! 11-5.. omg so perfect. i hate working til close!! and i get time and a 1/2 on july 4th omg sweet monies :')
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